However, the end of the night always seems to bring out a different side of people. Having grown up in a religious family, I have a different set of values than most people. Of course, it's hard to realize that it is different than most, because I've believed it and strived to be 'good' in this way my whole life. I definitely don't regret my upbringing; I feel as though everyone would benefit from a little more self control and respect for others. Anyways, back to the bar! Ugly lights come up, and then there's this desperate struggle to find the right person to take home. Sex is viewed in incredibly different ways from the religious to the non-religious. And I suppose deciding to live 'in the world' causes me to have to accept the most common view of sex. However - I don't have to make the same choices that everyone else does. It does end up being fairly lonely though, I must say. I guess part of growing up and maturing is being ok with your own life choices, and dealing with differing opinions on a daily basis, especially if your views about the world are different than popular culture. Roomie invited two guys over for an afterparty at our place, but I've never been fond of our afterparties - they generally end up as my entertaining the extras and roomie turning in early with the flavor of the week. So I turned into a child, and insisted that my friends leave me and I walk home alone from the bar. Smart choices late at night, hey? Thankfully neighbor is no stranger to dramatic girl antics, and he convinced me to come home with him, with roomie walking ten paces ahead. We stopped at his place for some scotch that I didn't finish (which was a very good thing) and smoking in his emergency staircase. Not sure what we talked about, but it diffused my stubbornness, and I was able to go to bed.So what does it all mean? I think life is about the relationships in it, so loneliness seems to contradict my basic goals in life. I want to be surrounded by friendships and love, but it's also incredibly important to me that those surrounding me are not detrimental to my goals in life. So there's this constant tightrope walk these days, where I'm trying to maintain my stance in life and also embrace new views. A lesson I've learned from going to Bible College and then University is that if you are afraid of learning new things that may oppose your beliefs, then they must not be all that strong to begin with. However, I start to feel crazy if I don't take time for myself to reinstate my ideals and plans for my life. I guess that answer I'm looking for is balance. Easier said than done.
I have been incredibly lucky in my move to Montreal so I shouldn't really complain. I've lived in both Vancouver and London, and had very lonely experiences in each. I have this strong desire to live in a huge, world city ever since growing up in a small Saskatchewan town of 900 people. Because I move around a lot, it's difficult to solidify strong friendships. Here in Montreal, I've lucked out with having a built-in friend, who allows me to be myself. I wish I was able to return the favor. I really need to learn to be more compassionate with other people.
Last night was spent cooking! I made bruschetta and baked french onion soup (which I guess would just be called baked onion soup here?) and finished a half litre of wine myself. I guess sometimes I just need some me time! Well.. me and wine :)
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