Now Reading ~ On the Road Again, Jack Kerouac

Stress! and the other Big Bad Five...

"Being inactive, eating poorly, smoking, drinking, and living in a constant state of stress are what we call the Big Bad Five."

                                                                  -my gym class textbook

Why.do.I.have.to.take.gym?!

I've come to the realization that I am a person who likes to rebel and be self destructive - but in the most fun way possible. I love drinking and smoking; I do it almost every day! And I did it all first semester while getting killer grades (average was 94%, holla!). Unfortunately, school is getting more difficult and, on top of that, I'm taking two more classes than I was last semester. I have partied one night since school started - so I've been good, it's been two weeks of school! - and the next day was NOT pretty. I looked, felt, and smelt like I partied hard the night before. I missed out on buying my uniform and now have to travel far to get it, and I left class early and took a cab home because I thought I would have to run to the bathroom every five seconds.. I think I'm getting older :( I can't handle my booze the same anymore.

 I've been making good life choices since then and not partying quite so much. And then I open my gym textbook (still mad that I have to take fucking gym..) and the first couple of pages are all about the commitments I'm going to make towards better life choices... "becoming a healthier you" and all that jazz. I closed the book immediately. 

Soo I guess I'll have to see how this pans out.. for now, I really have no choice - I'm planning to hibernate until the weather gets better. So when it warms up, then I'll make the commitment, get a gym pass, eat well, stop smoking, and chill out a bit. Until then, it's bad life choices. And I love it.

Oh Geez.. Haha!

The Dating Thing..

Hmm I am a difficult person to date, I think. Or it's difficult to convince me to date. In my whole history of men, (it's not that long, calm down) I've only actually felt intense love and desire towards two people. One was high school, and therefore I question the validity of my knowledge of love at that time. The other took me by complete surprise and led to my moving to Europe for six months. I have never regretted spending the time and emotion on either of those people. The times that I do regret, however, are the times I tried to care about someone.. when I was 'playing the field' and going on dates with multiple men at once. I feel guilty because at the time I knew that I didn't like any one enough to settle down and date only them.

However, we, as human beings, genuinely need emotional connection. And it's not enough to have good friendships; we need opposite sex emotional connection. I think this is what led society into the state it's in now. Humans, being selfish, choose every day to put their own needs in front of other's. I admit I do it often. We actually desire to feel love for someone, but because that doesn't always happen, we use people under the guise of intimacy.

It's confusing, empty, and unsatisfying. Especially in January/February. I guess the only thing to do is to live for ourselves and our friendships, and try to be selfless. And love.

January Jones is such a babe.

Back in Mont..

...and it's still the exact same! Which is a good and a bad thing. Had an 'afterparty' at our place last night with the DJ at the bar we regular and a manager, both of which do not drink or smoke, hence the ' '. I'm lucky I'm so happy to be back or else I'm not sure I could have taken the events that occurred. I guess I'm at the point where nothing surprises me anymore - especially the selfish acts of others. We choose our company, and maybe I need to be a little more careful to surround myself with like-minded people. The night had all the makings of being awesome, but, as usual, the end of the night happened. I slept until 4 pm - with the exception of my token puke sesh that seems to accompany every hangover these days - and so as I walked out of my building to get some food I had no problem smiling and feeling like everything is ok in the world. I'm happy and confident with the choices I'm making, and if I don't get the instant gratification that this generation seems to feed off of, I'll be ok.


....please tell me I'll be ok...

"I was always attracted not by some quantifiable, external beauty, but by something deep down, something absolute. Just as some people have a secret love for rainstorms, earthquakes, or blackouts, I liked that certain undefinable something directed my way by members of the opposite sex. For want of a better word, call it magnetism. Like it or not, it’s a kind of power that snares people and reels them in."

Haruki Murakami (South of the Border, West of the Sun)

It's all about changing your perspective.