Now Reading ~ On the Road Again, Jack Kerouac

Stress! and the other Big Bad Five...

"Being inactive, eating poorly, smoking, drinking, and living in a constant state of stress are what we call the Big Bad Five."

                                                                  -my gym class textbook

Why.do.I.have.to.take.gym?!

I've come to the realization that I am a person who likes to rebel and be self destructive - but in the most fun way possible. I love drinking and smoking; I do it almost every day! And I did it all first semester while getting killer grades (average was 94%, holla!). Unfortunately, school is getting more difficult and, on top of that, I'm taking two more classes than I was last semester. I have partied one night since school started - so I've been good, it's been two weeks of school! - and the next day was NOT pretty. I looked, felt, and smelt like I partied hard the night before. I missed out on buying my uniform and now have to travel far to get it, and I left class early and took a cab home because I thought I would have to run to the bathroom every five seconds.. I think I'm getting older :( I can't handle my booze the same anymore.

 I've been making good life choices since then and not partying quite so much. And then I open my gym textbook (still mad that I have to take fucking gym..) and the first couple of pages are all about the commitments I'm going to make towards better life choices... "becoming a healthier you" and all that jazz. I closed the book immediately. 

Soo I guess I'll have to see how this pans out.. for now, I really have no choice - I'm planning to hibernate until the weather gets better. So when it warms up, then I'll make the commitment, get a gym pass, eat well, stop smoking, and chill out a bit. Until then, it's bad life choices. And I love it.

Oh Geez.. Haha!

The Dating Thing..

Hmm I am a difficult person to date, I think. Or it's difficult to convince me to date. In my whole history of men, (it's not that long, calm down) I've only actually felt intense love and desire towards two people. One was high school, and therefore I question the validity of my knowledge of love at that time. The other took me by complete surprise and led to my moving to Europe for six months. I have never regretted spending the time and emotion on either of those people. The times that I do regret, however, are the times I tried to care about someone.. when I was 'playing the field' and going on dates with multiple men at once. I feel guilty because at the time I knew that I didn't like any one enough to settle down and date only them.

However, we, as human beings, genuinely need emotional connection. And it's not enough to have good friendships; we need opposite sex emotional connection. I think this is what led society into the state it's in now. Humans, being selfish, choose every day to put their own needs in front of other's. I admit I do it often. We actually desire to feel love for someone, but because that doesn't always happen, we use people under the guise of intimacy.

It's confusing, empty, and unsatisfying. Especially in January/February. I guess the only thing to do is to live for ourselves and our friendships, and try to be selfless. And love.

January Jones is such a babe.